There’s a certain familiar ache that Logan dreads getting.

The first time he’d felt it, it was when he’d walked in and accidentally caught Julian crying.

That ache welled up in his chest and spread stinging tendrils through his veins.

After Julian threw him out his room, Logan stood there waiting for the door to open again, and occupied his time willing the ache to go away.

The second time was in the events leading to the Art Hall fire. When Julian refused to tell him what was going on that clearly only he and Derek knew about.

When Julian told him “he didn’t get to pretend like he cared”. That ache came back.

After he left, it stayed longer than before, pounding beneath his sternum.

He hated it.

He didn’t like feeling it, because it hurt differently. Not worse, or better than others he’d felt, but it was different, and it ached in a way he never thought could get worse.

But he had been wrong, because there was nothing to compare it to.

Until he tried to wake Julian when he pulled him from the landing pad, and Julian didn’t move.

And Logan realized that he would’ve begged for the other old ache to come back…if he knew that it was going to be a ten times worse with what he felt at that moment.